Forged News: Slippery Buckets

The battle continues at Forged News. After Glen Fouts agreed to allow free access to bathroom facilities, signaling an end to the writers' strike, he had the water supply to the building shut off.

Employees, fearing retribution, spoke on condition of anonymity. "Teddy Frisk from accounting formed a bucket brigade late in the afternoon. It is definitely not the solution to this war, but it has turned the momentum of the battle...except for one accident, but that Ketchner kid is missing a thumb and the women kept yelling at him not to look in the bucket."

The staff lasted for about half a day, then they said the situation got very foul. "It was like a horror movie where the cloud of poisonous gas envelops the city. I've got my résumé out, but no one wants to touch it."

Clayville Comments...

That son-o-beech better treat his pepul right or he'll be knee deep in sheet when I break the septic system over at his house.

My wife types ebery day for Fouts but she shud go back to work at the massage parler on Doobelly Street. It schmells better too.

STRIKE IS OVER!

As a few readers know, in late October 2007 Forged News writers walked away from contract negotiations with FOS Media Group.

Senior Forged News Editor Karen Gelp was instrumental in organizing the strike. "Two words," Gelp said. "Free toilets. Is that really so much to ask for? Glen Fouts came in here, locked the stalls and turned our lavatory into his cash cow. Well, this cow stopped producing in October."

FOS Media Mogul Glenn Fouts told the writers to take a vacation. "See how long they complain about pay commodes once the money dries up. No money to buy food, you don't eat, you don't even need a toilet. Problem solved. Bunch a babies."

Gelp sees the outcome as positive. "I'm not saying it is a total win, but it is an improvement. The only 'number two' I want my writers to worry about is stamped on a Ticonderoga pencil."

Fire Back

Fire in the Hole

Anonymous said...

Glenn Fouts used to rate two turds in my book. Now he gets three stinky ones for being such an a-hole. Three giant ones that circle the bowl and won't go down.

Doesn't he know that great writers do their best thinking on the can? I bet he knows that and was just trying to profit from their weakness.

NAME WITHHELD

---

Doody Debacle
Anonymous said...

The gossip around Clayville is that during the strike, the writers had a party. As the liquor poured, so did the sarcasm over Fouts' toilet debacle. Some wicked fiction came out of all the haze, and someone scribbled it down in-between whiskey shots.

For now, the manuscript is locked up, but one of the writers will send it anonymously to The National Enquirer if Fouts ticks them off again. TNE will publish without checking the source or the facts. Just like Fouts.


---


What He Said

don't want 2b hard on glen but he sat on a pet hamstir of myne that he siad he would buy -n- he never cum up with the $$ what dope wood work 4 him? Get ur own pot -n- stay it home like me.

Diggins J.