Speedo Testing Falls Short

Two subjects, engaged in extreme testing of Speedo diving conditions, discovered that Speedos manufactured in China with inferior thread, tend to loosen upon stress under "irregular environmental conditions."

"Testicular availability of certain males is not always predictable," said Speedo spokesman Marc Sacks. Further voluntary testing on selected Clayville Elementary School subjects has been scheduled. To sign up call 1-800-555-SACK.

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Clayville Comments...

As a member of the Clayville community, my heart swelled to read the report on garment testing. When I was but a lad working with my father in the Clayville garment district, things were not as they are today. Unmentionables were never mentioned, until they slipped out. How many people today know the name Gary Flex? Or Mike Ripper? These men were innovators. Sure, the charcoal underwear pads didn’t take off. Why? Flex and Ripper were blacklisted by the garment industry.

It wasn’t until the annual “My Ass Passes Greenhouse Gasses” awards that these two were recognized. We, as garment makers, stand upon the shoulders of giants like Flex and Ripper. Let’s make sure we’re wearing well-tested, snug undergarments when we do so.

Peppy Rockwell
Top Level Sinchmaster
Garment Makers of Clayville, Local 487

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Anonymous said...

Nothing seems to pump me up. Tried eating more beans. Driving a fast Corvette. Nothing works. Might as well moonlight testing activewear. Text me 8pm - midnight EST at 804-PEA-NUTS.

NAME WITHHELD