Ode to Summer

Bill Bangs took advantage of the Indian Summer at CLR Sewage Treatment Facility.
"Just get in here and feel the water. Warm as embryonic fluid and salty as a tear drop. Don't get in there too far though, it's soft toward the middle. Found that out the hard way."

Bangs has been regional manager at CLR for sixteen years, and though he maintains that the water is fine, no one joined him. "Sure, they'll come up for harvest. Everyone comes up for harvest, but this is time to really suck in what the good Lord brought us."

---

Clayville Comments...
Why does Bangs love water, sun and fertilizer so much? Because he's turning into a tomato plant. Just like everyone who picks the "Second Harvest" at CLR Sewage.

Exposure to sewage creates super-immunity to germs and can transform human DNA in unpredictable ways. Anyone who watches science fiction movies knows THAT.

Pat Clapp
Popcorn Manager, Clayville Movie Theatre

Speedo Testing Falls Short

Two subjects, engaged in extreme testing of Speedo diving conditions, discovered that Speedos manufactured in China with inferior thread, tend to loosen upon stress under "irregular environmental conditions."

"Testicular availability of certain males is not always predictable," said Speedo spokesman Marc Sacks. Further voluntary testing on selected Clayville Elementary School subjects has been scheduled. To sign up call 1-800-555-SACK.

Advertisement

Do you believe that good things come is small packages?

Do you think size only counts in matters of the heart?

Are you a giant dude with "small business"?

You could earn extra money testing a popular national brand of men's activewear. Call today for a free evaluation.
1-800-555-SACK

Clayville Comments...

As a member of the Clayville community, my heart swelled to read the report on garment testing. When I was but a lad working with my father in the Clayville garment district, things were not as they are today. Unmentionables were never mentioned, until they slipped out. How many people today know the name Gary Flex? Or Mike Ripper? These men were innovators. Sure, the charcoal underwear pads didn’t take off. Why? Flex and Ripper were blacklisted by the garment industry.

It wasn’t until the annual “My Ass Passes Greenhouse Gasses” awards that these two were recognized. We, as garment makers, stand upon the shoulders of giants like Flex and Ripper. Let’s make sure we’re wearing well-tested, snug undergarments when we do so.

Peppy Rockwell
Top Level Sinchmaster
Garment Makers of Clayville, Local 487

---
Anonymous said...

Nothing seems to pump me up. Tried eating more beans. Driving a fast Corvette. Nothing works. Might as well moonlight testing activewear. Text me 8pm - midnight EST at 804-PEA-NUTS.

NAME WITHHELD

Business: Crankshaw Erect, up and at 'em

Wendy Crankshaw's crack design team at Crankshaw Erect didn't see it coming. "Primarily, we do three-season additions, knock out a wall here or there," Crankshaw said. "When Bruce and Lisa Mooney telephoned, it really took a while for them to tell me just what they wanted."

What the Mooney team wanted, as it turned out, was a medieval design. "I'm not a history buff," Wendy Crankshaw said, "and I really felt like I was reaching. They didn't have much money for the project so we enlisted friends of theirs from upstate who have a similar room.

"There were a few odd experiences, like the time I went over at dusk to inspect the dig. I heard moaning like a cat caught in a foundation hole, but then a voice called out. I don't know what a 'safe word' is, but Bruce and Lisa were in a fierce argument over who forgot it. I built a small kitchen for a church last year. That's more my thing."

CLAYVILLE COMMENTS...

Potato Man Jousts

When Bruce and Lisa's pair-skating career went on the skids, they got depressed. All those glittery, stretchy costumes and nowhere to go. Then they discovered the medieval knight/princess thing and started sewing gothic costumes. What's next, lessons in chivalry in the castle addition Wendy's building for them?

Personally, I doubt the marriage will last. Bruce likes dressing up and has perfect hair. AND he wears expensive cologne. AHHHHHHEM.

- just an ordinary Clayville meat & potato man