Mystery illness strikes concertgoers.
"At first I was having a good time," said local fan Jess Philpot. "I just hit my third cup of Bud, but then it was like I was seeing and hearing things through a tunnel. There was that little dude on stage playing a tiny guitar and looking straight at me. Blossom Rock doesn't have a midget in the band. I know that for sure."
Philpot wasn't the only concertgoer to notice a departure from band's normal set. In fact, over twenty people were treated at Clayville Memorial Hospital for symptoms of borderline psychosis.
"One man told me that his fingers were loose and felt like they were going to fall off," said Dr. Benny Bibb. "I put socks over his hands, but just that made matters worse."
After learning the plight of their fans, Blossom Rock offered to play a free concert.
"Nothin' doing," said Jess Philpot.
CLAYVILLE COMMENTS...
XYZPDQ
In conjunction with the Consumer Products Safety Commission, the following notice has been issued:
Lead found in the zippers of imported jeans, when exposed to sweat-soaked skin and beer, causes an invisible, odorless, yet hallucinative gas to be emitted. In lab rats, it is known to cause temporary borderline psychosis. If enough people are close together in a crowded area such as a concert arena, and all the above environmental conditions are met, the resulting gases can cause a disturbance. People who don't wear undergarments underneath their jeans increase their risk of gas emission tenfold.
If this occurs, promptly leave the area and breath in fresh, outside air for five minutes. Please do not remove your jeans, particularly if you meet the undergarmentless condition mentioned above. The Clayville Police are under pressure from the Mayor to reduce the number of indecent exposure arrests this year, a statistic which has been climbing steadily.
Clayville Concert & Beer Hall Administration
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Prophetic Prose
It's like our song, "There's A Devil In My Pants" came true in a totally different, weird kinda way.
Blossom Rock
2 comments:
In conjunction with the Consumer Products Safety Commission, the following notice has been issued:
Lead found in the zippers of imported jeans, when exposed to sweat-soaked skin and beer, causes an invisible, odorless, yet hallucinative gas to be emitted. In lab rats, it is known to cause temporary borderline psychosis. If enough people are close together in a crowded area such as a concert arena, and all the above environmental conditions are met, the resulting gases can cause a disturbance. People who don't wear undergarments underneath their jeans increase their risk of gas emission tenfold.
If this occurs, promptly leave the area and breath in fresh, outside air for five minutes. Please do not remove your jeans, particularly if you meet the undergarmentless condition mentioned above. The Clayville Police are under pressure from the Mayor to reduce the number of indecent exposure arrests this year, a statistic which has been climbing steadily.
Clayville Concert & Beer Hall Administration
It's like our song, "There's A Devil In My Pants" came true in a totally different, weird kinda way.
Blossom Rock
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