NOTICE

Forged News has been closed for post-4th cleaning, restocking, and inventory. Expect a Tuesday edition, but don't hold your breath.

The Forged News employee who mistook Mark Bingham's bologna sandwich for his/her own is asked to replace it this Wednesday. Mark likes a little mustard on his meat, but nothing "fancy or brown."

Janitor Bill Wade has found an inordinate number of socks and other items "jammed behind the toilets," and asks that, in the future, employees and their guests use the trash receptacles for a change. "People should treat the bathroom with respect," Wade said.

Teddy Frisk from accounting has cleaned and alphabetized items in the mini-fridge. "Smells like a swimming pool now," Frisk said. "We should really be ready to go this time tomorrow...unless that cow in circulation gets her hooves in there."



CLASSIFIED CLAYVILLE
Personals
Whoever stole Mark's sandwich better go to the grocery tonight for bologna. Binghams's wife Betty has Mark on a strict budget and the poor bloke only has enough cash to ride the bus to work. If I hear his stomach rumble at lunchtime again in the cube next to mine I will go insane.

PS - Teddy from accounting is a love. Who else would scrape all that gunk off our scummy shelves? Does anyone think it's too soon after his wife's funeral for him to start dating?

Advertisement
No one has to live with annoying pattern baldness. You can be cured! Submit head shots and a 1" x 1" scraping of your scalp to qualified scientists at this address: Baldness Research Foundation, c/o Pinky Bodegie, P.O. Box 14290, Clayville