BUSINESS: Buying Big & Looking Small

A new study out by Whiteboard America reveals that up to 75% of whiteboard space is never used.

"I think it comes down to greed," Whiteboard America spokesman Dean Blackman said. "If they want a giant board, we'll sell it to them. I only ask that [the buyer] consider how ill-prepared they'll look when they have utilized only a little patch of the board for a presentation."

Blackman, who has been with WA for seven years, heads the marketing, and research and development departments. "You get a board too big and you really have trouble drawing a pie chart," he said. "Your pie ends up looking like an egg, and you end up with that egg on your face." Whiteboard America sells a large compass and cut-out templates to facilitate drawing pie- and bar-charts on the large boards.

"Our customers are wart-prone ninnies," Blackman continued, "the type that make warm puddles when creativity is called upon. You can print that, because they don't read."

Blackman mentioned that his art show, "Holes in My Head," opens this weekend at the Dragon Café. "My sculpture-paintings are on the wall near the pastry case. This year I hung them high enough to prevent people from picking at them."

CLAYVILLE COMMENTS...

Checkmate

Just because I prefer looking at insects under a magnifying glass to filling up a whiteboard with fancy thoughts doesn't make me a dork. The punks in high school like Blackman really do have holes in their head. Want proof? I play cool loud music in my Mom's living room as soon as she leaves the house every morning. Does anyone in town want to trade for ABBA records? I need new tunes.

Dirk Datovech, Chess Champion

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Check, Please

Blackman has been creepy since high school. He stole mustard and ketchup from the cafeteria to use in his artwork. That's why people pick at his sculpture. They wonder if it's edible. Plus let's face it, the waitresses at the Dragon Café are so slow you could eat your shoe waiting.