Flanagan Bros. Fireworks Company is under investigation this morning after several of last night's explosions got out of control. According to witnesses, the fireworks display was nothing more than two or three Roman candles and various containers filled will gasoline, which were ignited by 2nd Class Wickmaster Paul "Lefty" Flanagan. Several spectators witnessed some of the younger Flanagan family members siphoning gasoline out of nearby cars.
More Bang for Your Buck?
"Hey, every year the crowd wants bigger and better," a senior Flanagan said. "That's what we deliver. This is how they do it in Hollywood, and they pay big bucks for it."
Safety First
Mr. Safety (Richard Templeton), has petitioned Clayville City Council for years to stop the fireworks show. In place of live explosives, Templeton has proposed a slide show with audio accompaniment and narration. "There are more than enough photographs of fireworks floating around this town. I see no need to endanger Clayville citizens and their property with this live-fire exercise that serves no purpose other than to excite the stupid and upset the feeble."
2 comments:
The Flanagans come from a long line of Irish arsonists. Legend has it that Catholic Flanagans burned more Protestant property than they drank pints. The family also brags that the Irish toast "As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction" was wrought by a Flanagan.
Here's to the smell of a burning Protestant! Some say they make a great-tasting fajita.
We Flanagans do not "light fuse and get away." The good Lord as my witness, we split from them other Flanagans years ago. Back then we knew how to have a good time.
Lefty Flanagan
2nd Class Wickmaster
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